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Anger Management Therapy

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don’t take it out on someone you know; take it out on someone you don’t know.

I recently telephoned my friend Muppet and a man answered, saying, "Hello."

I politely said, "Could I please speak with Muppet?"

Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude.  I realised I had called the wrong number. I tracked down Muppet’s correct number and called her.  I had accidentally transposed the last two digits of her phone number.  After hanging up with her, I decided to call the ‘wrong’ number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You’re an arsehole!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word ‘arsehole’ next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I’d call him up and yell, "You’re an arsehole!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic ‘arsehole’ calling would have to stop.  So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I’m just calling to see if you’re familiar with the Caller ID program?"

He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down.  I quickly called him back and said, "That’s because you’re an arsehole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot when some guy in a black Beemer cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for that spot.  The idiot ignored me but I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first arsehole (I had his
number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the Beemer arsehole too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is."

"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes, I live at 182 Main Street.  It’s a yellow house, and the car’s parked right out in front."

"What’s your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When’s a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I’m home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you’re an arsehole."

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two arseholes to call.

But after several months of calling them, it wasn’t as enjoyable as it used to be so I came up with an idea.  I called Arsehole No 1.

"Hello."

"You’re an arsehole!" (But I didn’t hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen"

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"Arsehole, I live at 182 Main Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I’m coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I’m really scared, arsehole."

Then I called Arsehole No 2.

"Hello?" he said.

"Hello, arsehole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are…!"

"You’ll what?" I said.

"I’ll kick your arse," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, arsehole, here’s your chance.  I’m coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at
182 Main Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 10 News about the gang war going down on Main Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Main St.  When I got there, I saw two arseholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six police cars, a police helicopter, and the channel 10 news crew.

NOW, I feel better – This is "Anger Management" at its very best!

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  1. August 10, 2009 at 11:35 pm

    It pays to be nice! I’m glad I am on your side!

    Peggy – That’s not me. I’m far more tolerant and I’d just shoot them both 😀

  2. june in florida
    August 11, 2009 at 3:26 am

    I had to look to see if i was on the right blog. Check out “Head Rambles’ he is a blogger in Ireland, you may learn some more tricks. He is especially against the tourists. Still laughing.

    June – I like that guy! He’s going on my blogroll. Check him out here.

  3. june in florida
    August 11, 2009 at 9:14 am

    Thought you would,lol

  4. August 11, 2009 at 9:46 am

    I’m not against tourists.

    I’m only against anyone who annoys me. [And that includes tourists]

    Grandad – My sentiments exactly.

  5. August 11, 2009 at 10:49 am

    LOL

    In America, Ireland is also known as “East Boston.” 😉

    PD – You might fire up Grandad with that one 🙂

  6. Muppet's Mum
    August 11, 2009 at 12:23 pm

    Ha ha, thanks for the laugh on a dreary work day.

    MM – Just as long as you don’t do this at work!

  7. August 12, 2009 at 12:30 pm

    Wow! You sure know how to get your own back. It really was poetic justice, and very very funny.

  1. November 22, 2009 at 12:06 pm
  2. January 5, 2010 at 4:58 am

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